Headlines from Plymouth NH

Requiem for a giraffe...

Plymouth, NH, Dec. 28, 2006, 10:00 AM: The IWF issued
a bench warrant this morning for the arrest of Stuart
"Chewey" Swift. He is charged with shaking the
$(*%&(*$&%$%* out of, dismembering, and gutting an
endangered (at least in this household) species.

He was abetted by A. Brodie "Rowdy" Swift, who is also
wanted for questioning in the crime.

Fuzzy giraffe was a highly regarded squeaky toy with a
honk like a goose and several enticing appendages
dangling from all angles. He arrived in the home in
December, and was presented to the accused on Dec. 25.
Following his second repair/amputation (sewed by
Cuz), the popular beast was tortured and subjected to
violent physical abuse by the two errant terriers.

The crime was discovered and reported by this
reporter, who happened on the scene catching the perp
"in the act" with a mouthful of internal organs,
stuffing strewn from one end of the kitchen/dining
area to the other, and spilling down the stairway into
the living room. By arriving on the scene while the
crime was in progress, the culprit was caught
"inflagrante delicto"; he knew he was "busted", looked
suitably abashed and most interested in what was going
to happen next.

Rowdy was caught w/his butt sticking out from under
the tapestry armchair in the LR following discovery of
the main crime scene. This type of behavior is
generally indicative of illicit activity that is being
concealed by terriorists. Upon close examination, a
missing appendage was being devoured by the
accomplice. Authorities immediately confiscated and
discarded the remaining body parts.

Since the noisemaker had been removed in the process
of eviscerating the animal, there was NO HOPE of
surgery for damage repair. The local authorities were
immediately summoned, CSI and cleanup followed
immediately, and the funeral was hastily conducted
over the kitchen garbage container.

The alleged culprits are now in custody, sleeping
peacefully following their frantic exertion, and
sentencing is quite lenient...

Jane E. Brown